Become a Conversation Ninja
Good conversation is an art. It requires really good listening. I want to try to be a better conversationalist so I have to become a better listener.
To constantly bring whatever someone tells you back to a story about yourself is terribly egotistical and narcissistic. There's a big difference between listening and just waiting for your turn to speak.
One thing I'm trying to do is ask more questions. I fail miserably most of the time. What I want to do is start asking at least three questions about the person or (topic at hand) I'm speaking to/about before offering my take or some anecdote on the subject at hand. This is really important on things we have very strong opinions on especially.
I think it's always good to remember Zig Ziglar's famous quote, "No one will care how much you know until they know how much you care."
One of my favorite tactics in a social setting is to have a goal to leave the people I meet thinking, “That guy really knows who I am.”
Unfortunately, most of us go into conversations with the goal of making others know who we are.
Example:
Person A: “Well, I had a great weekend last week. I was able to go to watch Alabama beat up on Cincinnati.”
Person B: “Cool. I went to an Alabama game six years ago. It was a home game, and it was a blast. I did my first keg stand since college and got a tattoo of Chester Cheetah on my ankle. Roll Tide.”
We believe when someone shares something about themselves they are silently saying, “Ok. Now your turn.”
Try this instead-
“Well, I had a great weekend last week. I was able to go to watch Alabama beat up on Cincinnati.”
With enthusiasm, “No way! Was it a good time? Who were you pulling for? Did you go to Bama? Do you think they will be able to take Georgia a second time this year? Will Jason Wright’s daughter actually graduate from Alabama this year?”
Three questions and some bonuses: Boom! Now you’ve shown interest in their initial comment.
Do you have trouble coming up with questions to strangers at a cocktail party? Try this. Ask questions that have finite answers. Try to get at least three in. I hope it goes without saying to keep the conversation light and inquisitive when asking so as not to come off as an interrogator.
“Where are you from?”
“How long did you live there?”
“Do you have siblings who still live there?”
Again, the natural thing for most people including this guy is to start rattling off all the people we know from the answer to question number one. Save this answer! Ask two more. Keep this knowledge in reserve in case you need to keep the conversation going.
Take the time to be curious about the person you’re talking to. Learn their name. Learn where they are from. Instead of asking, “What do you do?” Ask them, “So what do you like to do when you aren’t working?”
Learning to show people how much you care will give you ample opportunity to show them how much you know. Just be curious. Be patient and be a conversation ninja!