“It was so cold that if the thermometer had been an inch longer we’d have froze to death.”-Mark Twain

Are you freezing to death because of the temperature or because of the thermometer? Many of us only “see” instead of experience. We aren’t truly aware. When we decide to be aware everything changes.

How about darkness? Can we fight darkness? No. Of course we can’t. We so often throw punches at the darkness hoping it will dissipate. Our awareness of light overcoming darkness will stop the punches and cause us to reach for the light switch.

I encourage you to start truly understanding the meaning of words. Realize your meaning and the meaning of another may come from a completely different life experience. You get to decide what words mean to you. If I say, “You’re a low life piece of sh**!” My meaning of the phrase only raises to the level of the value you place on it.

Here’s a story.

After many days of travel, Buddha arrived at a small town to give a speech. Everyone was happy to see him, except one young man.

While Buddha spoke, the man was shouting at him. Buddha did not pay attention and continued speaking. This infuriated the man even more. He walked directly in front of Buddha and continued to ridicule him. “You have no right to teach others. You’re stupid and you’re a fake!”

The crowd began to react to this young man’s caustic behavior. Buddha stopped the crowd from turning against him and said, “It is not always necessary to counter aggression by aggression.”

Instead, he turned to the man and asked, “If you buy a gift for someone and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The young man was surprised by the question, thought for a moment and answered, “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha said, “Correct. It’s the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I don’t feel insulted nor accept your hostility, the anger falls back on you, as it was initially yours to give. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you’ve done is hurt yourself.”

The young man understood, clasped his hands together and slowly bowed to the Buddha. It was an acknowledgement that this man learned a valuable lesson that day.

And so, the Buddha concluded, “As a mirror reflects an object, as a still lake reflects the sky, take care that what you speak or act is for good. For goodness will always cast back goodness and harm will always cast back harm.”

To live a life of our choosing, free from the whims of others we must take ownership of the meaning and value we assign to the thoughts of others.

This applies to compliments as well. If we are light headed and elated by the praises of others, we have reflected this person’s power over us. Their words have impacted our self worth. Instead we should take them in stride. We should be grateful, but they shouldn’t necessarily move us.

If I curse you out in French with a smile on my face and you don’t speak French, there is no power. You are unaware of the meaning. You must become aware and decide what the words mean to YOU.

We all have the power to give and take away what every word hoisted at us means to us. Another person’s meaning for the word is completely irrelevant. The things others say are the result of a completely unique map of meaning from their life experience not ours. When we become aware of this fact we can then stop concerning ourselves with many of the trifling issues others bring our way.

It’s a scary thing to watch as so many people are consumed with the opinions of those on social media. We are seeking “likes” from people we don’t even know. We are giving power to strangers over our view of ourselves.

In Shakespeare’s Hamlet we read, “To thine own self be true.” I encourage you to meditate on this. Know thyself. When someone insults you, be able to let the insult bounce from the floor back to them. If you determine the insult is merited, know thyself well enough to correct course. If it’s not, let it lie and move on.

If someone gives you praise, be gracious but not moved. Let your own standard be your guide.

Remember, awareness not words are what matter most.