Which is it? Are you afraid to live or die? As my high school coach used to lament, play to win. Don’t play to not lose. Which camp do you fall in?

Over the past two years many of our fellow humans have been faced with mortality in a way not known in modern times. Let’s face it. Before COVID life was pretty safe. The thought of a global “plague” was something most of us couldn’t fathom. In fact the word plague seemed like a relic from the past.

There was that period after 9/11 when we all sensed a little unease in big cities and public places for fear of the next terror attack, but even that waned with time. Starvation is something that has been all but eradicated in first world countries. 

We had reached a point where we were so safe we started fighting for safety not just from physical harm, but we wanted safety from insult. We became so accustomed to physical well-being we now wanted it all. We didn’t ever want our feelings hurt. We didn’t want to ever catch a cold. We didn’t want to see, hear or even allow the possibility of something to come along and rob us not just of our safety but also our comfort. 

To meet these goals we started trading off small portions of life. We gave up some free speech. We gave up hanging out with people whose opinions differed from ours. We even saw some young people asking to be segregated from those who didn’t look like them. Little by little we started to get used to giving up a little freedom for the false sense of safety. We decided that just being alive was better than truly living.

Mind you we made this decision during arguably the single greatest time to be a human being the world has ever seen. Never has technology and innovation flourished so. Never has there been more opportunity for one to pursue a life of their choosing. We live longer, better, richer lives than at any other time in history. Yet, we’re not playing to win. What’s going on?

Now you might think that given the last few  paragraphs I’m going to go on some rant about cancel-culture, woke-ism or the like. Nope. I’m not going to do that. I’ll leave that for someone else. 

I’m going to focus this article on deciding to live. I’m concerned many of us have forgotten how important living really is. We’ve forgotten it to the point that just staying alive has become the primary focus. That my friends is an example of playing to not lose. It’s not a recipe for a full and fulfilling life. 

I remember years ago a friend of mine’s father was dying of cancer. He was 86 and had lost the ability to eat. He was on a 100% liquid diet. He had become confined to his home. He never saw anyone nor did anything. 

One day I met up with my friend and asked about his father. His response was telling and something I have never forgotten. He said, “Jason, Dad’s alive, but he’s not living.”

The Stoic philosopher Seneca warned about this. Seneca, born Lucius Annaeus Seneca was born in 4 B.C. in Cordoba, Spain. When he was a boy, his father moved his family to Rome, to ply his trade as a teacher of rhetoric, training would-be politicos and lawyers. Seneca the Elder knew firsthand the dirty, dangerous world of Roman politics, and he warned his sons to keep to “the strictest limits of honor” should they pursue political careers. 

Seneca spoke and wrote extensively on the value of life and how it should be lived. All his life, Seneca suffered from a pulmonary illness, which seems to have sent him into fits of breathlessness so severe, he felt like he was on the verge of death. “This is not illness,” he wrote to a friend, “that’s something else entirely.” His disease felt more like “the loss of life and soul.” 

This constant proximity to death lent his writings on the subject a calm sobriety and objectivity very nearly unrivaled in all literature, ancient and modern. Three lessons on dealing with death stand out: 

First, those who prepare for death can overcome the indignity of being forcibly expelled from the land of the living. Whereas those who cling to life in a base, desperate manner compound their indignity — and eventually end up getting expelled anyway. An easier way to put it is-we are all going to die. None of us are getting out alive. So live with vigor and passion. Then die with dignity.

Early in his career, while serving as a senator under Caligula, Seneca witnessed a searing illustration of this principle. The senator Julius Canus was widely respected for his personal dignity. One day, in a public debate with Caligula, he utterly bested him. When the senator turned to take his leave, the emperor held him back. “Just so you don’t take comfort from an absurd hope,” Caligula said, “I’ve ordered you to be led away for execution.” 

To which Julius Canus calmly replied: “Thank you, best of rulers.” Everyone knew that Caligula was a cruel tyrant, very far from the “best of rulers.” 

But to Seneca, there was more to Julius Canus’ sarcasm than a desire to have the last word. It suggested also that the condemned was “embracing the sentence joyfully, like a grant of freedom.” When the time comes to die, Seneca observed, it is going to happen anyway — so what’s to be gained from struggling? 

I can hear some of you now. “Wait Jason. So are we supposed to just live with reckless abandon? Are we to do as Stonewall Jackson was said to have done and just ride out into the vortex of battle with the faith God will protect us?”

No. This is not what I’m suggesting at all. Instead I’m saying there is a difference between safety and hysteria. There is a difference between being steadfast in one's beliefs and utterly dogmatic.

My question for you as I have asked myself is, “If you have chosen to live, then will you live?” 

Louis C.K. once did a bit questioning why people who are so miserable choose to stay alive? We can all end the misery anytime we want to. 

I am in no way making light of suicide nor suggesting it as an option. Hopefully, that goes without saying. However, if you’ve decided to stay on this ball of mud for another day, then why not choose to really live?

Seneca in his book, “Letters from a Stoic,” says, “If then you’ve chosen to live, wouldn’t it be pathetic not to do so?” 

So are you afraid to live? Are you afraid to cautiously remove some of the bumpers of life and truly live. Are you willing to love big enough your heart might be shattered? Are you willing to fail and humiliate yourself for the pursuit of a dream? Are you willing to go to someone and say you’re sorry knowing they very well may not receive the apology?

Why? You’ve chosen to be alive right? Then don’t be afraid to live. If it’s uncomfortable it’s probably a sign of true living. Don’t be afraid to live. Play to win, not just to not lose.

When I see people driving alone in a car with a mask or outside on a walk with a gator pulled up over their face it brings a little sting to my heart. It always makes me remember my friend’s words.

“Jason, Dad’s alive but he’s not living.”