Rule #60 "Question"

My grandmother just died at the age of 91. She lived an amazing life. She was a very positive person. In fact, she was probably one of the most positive people I knew. As she got older she said, “no” a lot more. When we would take a family vacation she would say, “no” I’d rather be at home. She loved home. She died on her way home just a few yards from her front door. I think that’s exactly how she would have wanted it. She realized while trips are nice and all she didn’t want to go. She wanted to be home or as close to it as possible.

You can so no, too. Or you can stop doing something you don’t like. You don’t have to do a great many of the things you do. You have choices. Louis C.K. once did a very thought provoking standup routine where he discussed people’s decision to live. He brought up the fact for all people’s griping and complaining about their life they still choose to continue it. However, if they wanted they could end it any time. You don’t have to keep going.

I realize this is a rather morbid look at it, and I obviously don’t think suicide is ever the solution. The older I get them more I realize what a precious gift one more day is. There’s so much to learn, to see, to offer. The bigger point C.K. is making is you and I don’t really have to do anything. Everything is a choice. No. EVERYTHING. There are no exceptions. If you say, “I hate my job,” you have a choice to quit. Your response would most likely be, “Yea but I need the money.” Fair enough. However, you are still choosing to provide for yourself or family. You don’t actually have to do it. But what if you did quit your job? You would make other decisions right?

So many of the rules and constraints we put on ourselves as Steve Jobs put it, “were created by people no smarter than you.” If you want to change your life, you have to start questioning why you do things. Why do you accept things? Why do you go to parties you hate? Why do you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in? Why won’t you forgive someone when you know it would make your life better? Why won’t you write that book? Most likely it’s because society, your family, your education has taught you to believe certain things and under no circumstance stray from those beliefs. Deciding what you won’t do can be every bit as powerful as what you will do.

I’m not saying to be a contrarian for the heck of it. However, I dare you to at least be bold enough to ask, “Wait, why shouldn’t I do that? What if I did? What if I say no? What if the culture is wrong, and everything I hold dear really is right? What if everything I’ve held dear is wrong?”

It’s a bold move, but it’s within your power. Finally, I’ll leave you with another Steve Jobs quote that has really had me thinking about a great many things lately. I encourage you to meditate on it. “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” So I’ll ask you this question, “What are you going to do?”

You rule!

Jason