Rule #36 "Adopt the Phrase Yes And.."

In case you haven’t noticed, we like to argue a lot these days. Maybe we always have and now we just get to view more of the arguments in real time due to social media. I have an idea as to why this is. It’s because many of us are terrible listeners. We really aren’t listening at all. Instead we are focused on what we are want to say next. We let the other person’s message merely serve as a trigger for our next thought.

There is a practice in improv that is as follows. I say to you, “There’s a purple elephant in the room.” You respond, “No there isn’t.” You’ve just killed the scene. You’ve now turned it into an argument for the existence of the elephant. The correct tactic is to use the “yes and” technique. Example: “There’s an elephant in the room.” The yes and response could be, “Oh I’m sorry. Are you allergic to elephants?” This then elicits a response and creates room for dialogue.

Entrepreneurs are constantly looking for their next big idea. I once heard the story of the guys who started AirBnB and how they created their customer experience. They started by creating the most over the top unrealistic experience possible for their guests. It was something to the effect of having the person picked up in a private jet, taken to the location city, having U2 there playing for them when they got off the plane, a limo to the rental…you get the picture. It was insane.

The way they arrived at this was by first saying something that would make the experience incredible and then taking it another step further the “yes and..” approach. By doing so it forced them to get in a flow of thinking bigger. It was this kind of thinking that helped founders Brian Chesky, Joe Gebbia and Nathan Blecharczyk create an incredible user friendly experience for skeptical short term tenants not keen on staying in a strangers home instead of a hotel.

Another exercise I use a lot to get folks to think bigger when I speak is to tell them they have to get to the moon to save a loved one’s life. Immediately the task seems impossible. However, eventually someone will say, “Well, I guess I’d call NASA.” From there ideas start to flow. With each one I follow up with the phrase, “Yes and..” This keeps it going.

Be a “yes and” listener. I promise you this will lead to much much richer conversations, solutions and execution.

You rule!

Jason