Rule # 10 Make Regret Your Enemy
Rule#10
Rule: Make Regret Your Arch Enemy
Rule Maker (or at least inspired by): Jon Acuff
Learn More About the Rule: Acuff.me
“Will I face temporary fear or live with long lasting regret?”-Jon Acuff
We’ve all heard it time and time again. When you’re on your deathbed you won’t be upset about the chances you took. You’ll regret the ones you didn’t.
One day while sitting in my office I received a text from a long-time trusted friend. The text read, “Would you consider running for CD-5?” Translation: Would you consider running for Congress in Texas’ 5th District? My immediate response was no. At this particular time I had all but given up on a political career. Having served on City Council and been in and around the political scene along with some personal setbacks I believed disqualified me (I got a divorce) I just didn’t see running for office in the future. Yet here I was getting the proverbial call.
Saying no was an automatic reflex. I had convinced myself I was disqualified and so disinterested it was almost an automatic reaction. I then assured my friend I would at least commit this decision to prayer. I did just that. I prayed, and I prayed and then I prayed some more. I began calling close friends for counsel including a sitting U.S. Senator. All feedback was positive, which was humbling to say the least. You have to understand I had all but been living under a rock for nearly four years. I wasn’t on any social media. I never did any form of social engagement not required by work. I pretty much spent all my free time at home alone with my Guinea Pig, Roger. Yea I was really crushing life at this point.
Well, after much thought and consideration I said yes, and I ran. I hated every second of the race. It only served to confirm that in fact my political career has ended. However, I have no regrets. There it is. The lesson of it all. I will never for one second look back and wonder, “What if.”? I made so many friends in the process. I learned so much about myself, and most importantly I extinguished any future regret.
Mark Twain once said, “Courage is resistance to fear, master of fear, not absence of fear.” I think fear can be one of the single greatest motivators on earth. We shouldn’t live in constant fear, but we should use fear for our advantage. Let the fear of regret move you to take chances, pursue dreams and goals. Let fear of regret cause you to tell someone you love them. Let fear of regret allow you to give forgiveness you’ve been withholding. After all both you and the person in question are going to die. That’s a fact. If they go before you give forgiveness, the opportunity is lost forever. The only thing that remains is regret. Let fear of regret allow you to take control of your health.
Regret is an awful thing. It became a disease to me. I have resolved myself to live today with a regret extinguisher that shoots far into the future. At one point in my life I resolved to never be married again. My desire was to live as I used to tell people a “lonely and barren life.” Then one day it occurred to me. “What if I look up and I’m 65 and alone and wish I had someone?” Sure, I could meet someone at 65 or 75 or even 95. However, look at all that time alone free of memories with a partner. Free of potentially more children. It was this revelation that caused me to be open to at least connect with another person should she present herself.
This revelation came after running into a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She was unaware I was single. Upon telling her she immediately started trying to play matchmaker. I was still cynical and desiring to be alone with Roger the Guinea Pig. Then after some thought I decided to take a huge leap. I told the friend who was trying to set me up to ask the girl she had told me about for permission to share her number with me.
Her first reaction (the would-be date) was no. Then upon pressure from friends and I presume some introspection of her own she reluctantly agreed to have coffee with me. On July 13th 2018 Jemilynn McKee, now Jemilynn Wright, and I had our first coffee date. She had committed to 30 minutes with me. That 30 minutes turned into an hour and a half. That hour and a half turned into the rest of our lives.
129 days from that first coffee date I asked Jemilynn to marry me. I often almost lose my breath considering what I would have missed if I hadn’t gone to coffee that day. Jemilynn is 35, has never been married, and we are planning to start a family of our own. My courage to extinguish any potential regret has led to the most magnificent do-over of my life.
In one of Jon Acuff’s many great talks he says, “Will I face temporary fear or live with long lasting regret?” It was this one question that changed the entire trajectory of my life. I had just heard it before I was asked to run for Congress. Make it your mission to extinguish regret. Sure, do-overs will present themselves every once in a while, but they are few and far between. I can tell you with 100% certainty you don’t get to do life over. When it’s done it’s done. Tomorrow will never come back. It’s over. Therefore, sit down and truly contemplate any regret that may present itself in your future and take whatever steps necessary to kill it today.
Practical regret killers:
Save money for a house, retirement, an engagement ring, college education. If you don’t, when these things come to pass not being financially prepared will suck. It sounds obvious yet, so many think the runway is so long they can start later. Don’t. Start now.
Exercise. Being out of shape is awful. Staying fit will lower your healthcare costs, make you happier, make you feel better and help prevent illness. Do it.
Don’t drink alcohol. There really is no benefit to drinking. I love scotch. I love a cold beer. Neither are good for me. They make me fat, make my head hurt and alter my judgement, which can lead to some real regret. I suggest abrogating alcohol from your diet altogether.
Stop and take time for your kids. They will grow up. They will leave. It hurts. While I can’t get back Rylan and Abby’s youth I can look back with fondness on the times we jumped on the trampoline, played “PIG”, went to Six Flags even whey I didn’t want to and basically just made time for them.
Hug a loved one before you leave them. It may be the last time you ever see them. I know it sounds morbid, but we just never know. Every time your child, spouse, grandparent or anyone you love is about to part ways with you allow yourself a flash thought that says, “This may be the last time I ever see you.” I promise it will enhance your goodbye.
Do the “thing” you know you should do. Whatever it is, and you know what it is. It can be anything. If you sit and contemplate for a moment you will come up with that 1 thing you’ve been putting off. Do it.
Take a chance and do something very uncomfortable. A friend asked me to go to China for a mission trip. We would be hiking in the foothills of the Himalayas. Although I nearly died on the trip I have not one single regret. I know what it’s like to push myself to the brink.
You rule!
Jason